How to give yourself the gift of monetary self-control

“Money may be the husk of many things but not the kernel.” Henrik Ibsen

Ah, the holidays… when our desires (for others or ourselves!) can exceed our budget. Yes, I know it comes just once a year but when we let our spending get out of hand, it can take us 12 months just to pay for it all!

And that doesn’t even begin to address the stress that hits us when our bank account hits the red zone or our credit card balance hovers dangerously near the limit.

This year, let’s take a different approach and actually gain control over our holiday spending instead of letting it control us. And to help us, writer, speaker and financial coach Christine Doreen Moriarty is here at the Make A Change blog.

A certified financial planner and founder of the MoneyPeace consulting company, she shares her tips and advice on how to give yourself the gift of monetary self-control during the holidays so you can start the new year in the best possible financial condition. 

(For more information about Moriarty, visit her MONEYPEACE website where you can sign up for her free monthly “My Peace on Money” e-newsletter. She is also the author of Practical Freelance, available here.)

Change Coach Nancy: What is “financial wellness”?

Moriarty: Financial wellness is an intricate balance of the mental, spiritual, and physical aspects of money. This unique combination is an ideal to strive towards in your dealings with money — having an understanding of your financial situation and maintaining preparedness for financial change. Creating that balance consists of being comfortable with where your money comes from and where it is going. Money affects our lives and we need to come from a balanced approach when we’re interacting with it on a daily basis to maintain our financial health.

Change Coach Nancy: On your website, you offer a Financial Wellness Check-up quiz. I found it interesting that two of the questions  — Do you feel like there is plenty of time in the day? and Are you happy with your job? — aren’t really about finances. What is the link between these two questions and financial wellness?

Moriarty: Money is not a stand along part of our lives. Our finances, our behavior and our actions interact. People without time are often the people without money as they tend to make quick decisions without thinking through the implications. This lack of conscious financial decision-making becomes a spiral damaging their finances. The “quick fix” has a lot of appeal and little sustainability.

Likewise, those with a job that do not like are unhappy for those forty plus hours they are working. Many try to offset this by purchasing things or trips that make them happy. They can never make up enough for the core imbalance and typically end up over spending.

Change Coach Nancy: Even when we know our budgets are strapped, many of us tend to overspend either on ourselves or others during the holidays. What drives us to do this and what is the downside of letting our emotions rule our spending?

Moriarty: There are many reasons people over spend – too numerous to go into here. However, the lack of a plan and the lack of putting money aside ahead of time for the holidays during the year. The emotional side may be anything from people pleasing to lack of personal grounding to quick decision making to not willing to buck the trends and traditions of the season.

Financial hangover in January is the result of overspending. Credit card bills may be too large to pay off all at once. There may not be enough money to pay regular monthly bills. In the short sightedness of the season, we get caught up in the hype not the reality of the long term.

Change Coach Nancy: Many families have less to spend this year compared to holidays past but are embarrassed to admit it to their friends, family members or children. How can we broach the subject and address expectations effectively?

Moriarty: First and foremost, I suggest people address this issue as early as possible in the year. We are in season, but it is not too late. Make some of your own family decisions on limits and what works for you. 

If you need to address extended family or friends, do not say “We cannot afford anything, so we are not doing anything.” Instead broach the subject directly, stating what your financial constraints are. Then, offer suggestions from  hand made gifts only allowed, a grab bag, pulling names or giving to just the kids.  

One of my clients did this at a late summer gathering for her family. She was nervous, but then happily surprised when everyone was relieved. They decided to exchange names and buy one gift each. This lowered her stress around the holidays – financially and emotionally.

Change Coach Nancy: Even if there is less money to go around, why is it important to include a worthy charity on your gift-giving list? And if we don’t have the cash, what else can we do for those who are less fortunate?

Moriarty: A worthy cause or two need be on your list all the year long. Your perspective needs to be that charitable donations are part of financial balance. Waiting until the end of the year does limit how you view money and money management. Generosity is a year-round practice. 

The intent of creating a generous heart is you recognize what flows in and out of your life are gifts. Sharing those gifts no matter how small is the key to growing your gifts. True generosity is sharing what you have little of. So even five dollars is a start to creating your financial balance. You can share your time and talents as well. However, just sharing those and not your money, does not allow for good financial habits to develop. 

Change Coach Nancy: What have you learned about financial health from speaking and advising your clients?

Moriarty: There is not enough time to cover all I have been lucky enough to learn from my clients over twenty years. That is truly why I want to share my stories through speaking, writing and my free email newsletter.

As an overview, I have learned that emotions and money are intricately connected. We all have to work with good sound financial principles and our state of mind to stay financially healthy.

Also, I have found that education couples together can make their marriage, relationship and money work better. As human beings we operate differently. Couples need to act like a team and that is why I started a couples teleclass designed to create a system for couples to clarify their money and their emotions together.

Change Coach Nancy: What are the three key takeaways you want people to understand about creating financial stability and personal serenity?

Moriarty:

1)    Take care of yourself on every level to create MoneyPeace.

2)    Back to Basics is the key to maintaining good financial health.

3)    Minimum debt keeps your personal financial economy most nimble.

4)    And a fourth given the extreme current volatility in the market: The stock market is only one of many pieces of your financial plan and need not be a daily or monthly focus of your financial life.

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There you have it — solid advice to help keep your holiday spending on solid ground! My thanks to Christine Moriarty for taking the time to share her invaluable advice! Stop in next Sunday when Kathleen McIntire will give her insights on how to have a positive holiday experience!